Ole and Lena Return

It has been almost two years since I posted an Ole and Lena Joke. 

I thought I (and you) had heard them all. I was wrong! 

Here goes.........

Ole complained to his landlord.

"Da people upstairs are so annoying!

Last night dey stomped and pounded on 

the floor till almost midnight!"

"Did they wake you?" asked the landlord.

"No, " said Ole. good ting for me

I vas playing my tuba."

Happy Friday all!

Saturday's LAST silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole: "Lena, dis year I svear I am going to make yew da happiest voman in da vorld." 

Lena:  "Really? How Vonderful! Tank yew! Tank yew! Tank yew!


................ I'm gonna miss you Ole."

I will also miss Ole but as my grandmother used to say "enough is enough already". 

Along with 2015 I think its time I lay Ole and Lena to rest. This new year, 2016, I will attempt to focus on at least one ancestor each week, seeing what I can learn about them and their life and times through a document, story, photo, etc.

I leave you with this New Year's blessing from Ole.

May da ruts always fit da wheels in your pickup.

May yur ear mufs always keep out da nort wind.

May da sun shine varm on your limpa bread.

May da rain fall soft on your lutefisk.

And until ve meet again,

May da Good Lord protect ya from any 

and all unnecessary Uff Da's.

Happy New Year!

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole died. The regular pastor of the Lutheran Church was on vacation, so a neighboring one came to do the service. Before the funeral, the minister found Lena to ask her a little about Ole so to get to know him better. He gathered some information then asked: "Do you happen to know what Ole's last words were before he died?" Lena thought for a moment then replied: "Lena, put down that gun!"

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Sven:  "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking".  

Ole:  "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"Dat's it," he tells Lena. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad dat once I hit da ball I couldn't see vere it vent." Lena sympathizes. As they sit down she says, "Vhy don't you take Sven wit you and give it one more try." "Dat's no good" sighs Ole, "Sven's a hundred and tree. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and tree", says Lena, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day Ole heads off to the golf course with 103 year old Sven. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to Sven and says, "Did you see da ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied Sven. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Vhere did it go?" says Ole.

"I don't remember."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole and Sven were out on the lake fishing, Ole says to Sven,

" Sven, I tink I'm going to leave Lena" 

Oh? why is dat Ole?

 "Vell Sven, she hasn't talked to me in nearly 2 months and von't tell me vat I did." 

After a few minutes, Sven says to Ole.

"Ole, I vould tink twice about dat, women like dat are hard to find"

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months.

Yet Lena had stayed by his bedside every single day. 

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.   

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know vat? 

You have been vith me all tru da bad times. Ven I got fired, you vere dare to support me. Ven my business failed, you vere dare. Ven I got shot, you vere by my side. Ven we lost da house, you stayed right here. Ven my health started failing, you vere still by my side... 

You know vhat Lena?' 

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 

'I'm beginning to tink you're bad luck....'

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

One day, Sven was walking down the street when who did he see driving a brand new Chevrolet? It was Ole. Ole pulled up to him with a wide smile.

"Ole, vere did ya get dat car?" Sven asked.

"Lena gave it to me".

"She gave it to you? I knew she vas sveet on you, but dis?".

"Vell, let me tell you vat happened. Ve vere driving out on county road 6, in da middle of novere. Lena pulled off da road into da woods. She parked, got out of da car, trew off alla her clothes and said, "Ole take vatever you vant."...

So I took da car"

"Ole, your a smart man, dem clothes never voulda fit ya."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale'."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done. One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house.

Inside was a beautiful woman, who asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole. The woman said money was no object. She was willing to pay $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked the woman to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus.

In a few minutes, he returned and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in da nude, but Lena says I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

"It's yust too hot to wear clothes today," said Ole as he stepped out of the shower. "Lena, vhat do you tink the neighbors vould tink if I mowed the lawn like dis?"

 "Probably that I married you for your money."

Now THAT would be a scary site.

Happy Halloween! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that said:
 'DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!'
 As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'Leave us alone, you religious nuts!'
 From the curve we heard screeching tires and a big splash . Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say 'Bridge Out'?

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Sven and Ole were carpentering on a new house. Sven who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

Ole, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,"Why are you trowing dose nails avay?"

Sven explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I trow it avay 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward da HOUSE, den I nail it in!"

Ole got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON!!! Da nails pointed toward you aren't defective! Dare for da OTHER side of da house!!"

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole is sitting home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. The local sheriff is there.
Ole: "Can I help you officer?"
Sheriff: "Sir, are you married and if so may I see a picture of your wife?"
Ole invites him in and shows him a picture of Lena.
Sheriff: "Sir, I am sorry to tell you that it's looks as though your wife has been hit by a truck."
Ole: "Ya, I know but she has a great personality and she's a pretty good cook too."

Happy Saturday!  -  Ranae

Saturdays silly Ole and Lena joke

This one is a real groaner!

Sven:   Ole, vy are ya driving da John Deere buck naked?
Ole:     For da love of my Lena
Sven:   Dats stoopid Ole!
Ole:     Oh no its not Sven. I heard on the radio if you vant your woman to make love to you....
Sven:   Ya?
Ole:     ... ya hafta act sexy to attract her.



Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

(This Ole and Lena classic was submitted by cousin Paul in Washington state)

Ole won a fishing boat in a raffle drawing in a small upstate Minnesota town.

He brought it home and Lena looks at him and says, "Vot da heck you gonna do vit dat? Dere ain't no water deep enough ta float a boat widin 50 miles uv here."

Ole says, "I vun it and I'ma gonna keep it."

Sven came over to visit several days later. He sees Lena and asks where Ole is.

She says, "He's out dere in his fishin boat," pointing to the field behind the house.

Sven heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a fishing boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field.
He yells out to him, "Vot da heck are you doing out dere?" Ole replies, "I'ma fishin'. Vot da heck duz it look like I'm doing?"

Sven yells back, "It's people like you that give people from Norvay a bad name; make everybody tink we are stoopid. If I cud svim, I'd come out dere and kick you in da beehind."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole:   Lena qvick! Call da locksmith!

Lena: Oh Ole, did ya lock your keys in da car again?

Ole:   Well yah, but dis time it's an emergency. It's startin' to rain real bad and darn if I didn't leave da windows rolled down!




Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's silly Ole and Lena joke

When Ole came home early from work one day he went upstairs where Lena was standing in the middle of the bedroom naked.

"Lena, vhy are you standing in da middle of da room naked?" asks Ole.

"Uhhhh Ohhhh Ole, I have absolutely nuttin ta vear!"

Ole walks over to Lena's closet and opens it.

"Lena! Vut do ya mean you have nuttin ta vear? Here's your red dress, here's your black dress, Hello Sven, here's your orange dress."


Happy Saturday!  - Ranae

Saturday's Silly Ole and Lena Joke

Ole and Lena jokes are standard fare for the person of Scandinavian ancestry. Just for fun I thought that each Saturday I would post on both my Norwegian and Swedish blog, one of my favorites.  If I knew who originated them I would credit them but these are oldies but goodies? (a matter of opinion on the goodies)

Ole: "Lena! I yust bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four tousand dollars, but its state of da art. It's perfect.

Lena: "Really Ole? What kind is it?"

Ole: "Twelve turdy."

Happy Saturday! - Ranae

Saturday's Silly Ole and Lena joke

Ole and Lena jokes are standard fare for the person of Scandinavian ancestry. Just for fun I thought that each Saturday I would post on both my Norwegian and Swedish blog, one of my favorites. If I knew who originated them I would credit them but these are oldies but goodies? (a matter of opinion)


Every Sunday Ole would drive Lena into town for church services and every Sunday he would get a little too frisky with his hands. The day after their wedding they were again driving into town for church services and wouldn't you know...Ole was at it again.

       Lena:  "Uff da Ole. Ve are married now. I tink its okay to go further."

So Ole drove to Duluth.




-  Happy Saturday! - Ranae